I’m pretty sure this box of animal crackers I’m eating from was intended for my 3-year-old nephew… but he’s not here right now, and I am.

What if one day, robotics are viewed as an art? And instead of getting your portrait done in paint, or digital, sculpted or what have you… you could get an android portrait? A robotic version of your bust that follows you with its eye movements, breaths, and you can put funny hats on it, as people tend to do.

Jeez.

“Yes, well… that’s partially true. One of the unfortunate downsides of a human is that there’s more of a mess to clean up afterwards — literally speaking, of course. We’ve had some of the best journalists brought in to write the details of your assassination, you can rest assured about that.”

Things about characters I write on my phone at 4AM.　

I don’t know why I can’t seem to wrap my mind around the fact that online retailers in China are listing Diablo 3 as “Big Pineapple” to get around　the current sales ban.

I remember when I was first playing Neopets, in 2005, when I was really naïve. I saw an advertisement in a shop that the owner was always open to neomail and that they liked Pokémon. So, being the bright lad I was, I put two-and-two together and decided I would write them.

This neomail was the product of so much effort and investment. I painstakingly listed all of the games I owned, color coded with their HTML system, which Pokémon were my favorite, etc…. And I never received a response.

I like to think that it was little moments like this that shaped me, and if you, mysterious person, ever read this…

fuck you.

Sipping the last drops from my Horizon Organic chocolate milk box, I watch the ethereal cogs set into place and begin to turn, slow at first, picking up speed — that post is receiving more attention than I initially reasoned. I know your game, Tumblr.

Sleep well, my friends, for inside each and every one of us, there is a panicked 2-year-old hiding from the flickering shadows of doubt.